Myths about Second Marriages

The idea of starting a second marriage can bring excitement, fear, anxiety, and joy to someone who was previously divorced. According to a Pew Study in 2013, 40% of all marriages are those in which at least one partner is remarrying. Because second adolescence is a stage of divorce, many people looking to remarry may be blinded with optimism about how their new relationship will turn out. Although it is good to have an open mind and be excited about a new relationship, you should be wary of these common misconceptions about second marriages.

Families will blend with effortless ease.

This used to be referred to as the “Brady Bunch Myth.” Many people are so in love that they assume their families will feel as excited and willing to adapt as they do. While difficulties with blended families can be managed, they might not be wrapped up in thirty minutes like on television. Blending families often takes hard work and even if both spouses are doing everything right, the family dynamic may remain chaotic for some time.

This marriage will be completely different than your first marriage.

Although you might have nothing but negative things to say about your previous spouse, it is important that you reflect on your contribution to the ending of your first marriage. Otherwise, your second marriage might be a repeat of your first. Even if your partner seems like complete opposites of your first spouse, patterns may repeat themselves if you have not properly analyzed your prior marriages.

Your child or children will love their new step-parent as much as you do.

Love takes time. It is created through nurture, structure, and bonding. It cannot be forced or created overnight. If you wish for your child to grow to love their step-parent, then give them time. If you try to force it or make love mandatory, you will create separation and anger.

Your child will support your new marriage.

Forget loving their step-parent, but you at least expect your children to support your happiness and desire to be married! This may be wishful thinking in some circumstances. Many children feel a pull of loyalty to their parent that will interfere with their ability to bless your new union. Over time, this can be softened. It is important to realize that children can take the longest to adjust to this change. Other children may never be able to have anything more than a polite, non-hostile relationship with their step-parent.

Everything can be solved

The hard truth is that not every disagreement can be solved. Communication certainly helps the process of blending families, but it won’t cure all problems. Some problems will require acceptance instead of resolution.