Ultimate Guide to Couples Therapy in Boston (and Beyond) for 2021

If you’re a Boston couple looking for a way to work on your relationship and improve the way you communicate with your partner without having to go through the process of divorce, this blog post is for you. Boston Couples Therapy created this informative guide that will help anyone who is interested in couples counseling learn more about the process and find the best therapist for their needs.

What is Couples Therapy?

Couples therapy is an option for couples seeking professional guidance for an issue occurring in their relationship. Some Boston couples may seek sexual growth or help to change negative communication patterns. The main difference between therapy for an individual and therapy for a couple, is that the client is the relationship itself, not the members of the relationship. This means that the counselor acts as an impartial supportive participant and keeps the relationship as the focus of the therapy sessions.

While many choose to meet with the partners individually at times, they always remain dedicated to the couple as a whole as the process unfolds. Therapists often set boundaries and expectations at the start of couples work. Therapists are wary of becoming “secret keepers” so they usually clarify upfront that anything that is shared during an individual session is fair game to be brought up during a couples’ session. Sometimes, a couples therapist may require you to agree to their secrets policy, which is an agreement not to include the therapist in on any secret information that the other person in the relationship does not know.

How Do I Know If Couples Therapy Is Right for Me?

If you seek a change in the interactional patterns in your relationship, getting relationship help from a mental health professional is a good choice. There are many different ways to approach relationship counseling. You’ll want to find the mental health professional that you feel the most connected with, as studies show time and again: this is what produces the best outcome in terms of progress. However, there exist some specific approaches which have proven efficacy to help couples. Examples include Imago Relationship Therapy, Gottman-method, Behavioral Couples Therapy, and Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT). EFT, created by Susan Johnson and Leslie Greenberg, stands out among them all – providing both partners individualized attention while still maintaining an open dialog between them about their emotional needs.

Who Provides Couples Therapy and How Do I Find Them?

You may be surprised to find out that not every couples counselor is the same. There’s a lot of variety when it comes to their educational backgrounds and areas of specialty, but they all have one thing in common: They want you to enjoy your life more, improve your communication, and help you lower stress!

Therapists can come from many different educational backgrounds. Common examples are Marriage and Family Therapists (MFT), Licensed Professional Counselors (LPC), Licensed Independent Clinical Social Workers (LICSW), and Psychologists (PhDs and PsyDs). Some psychiatrists may practice as couples counselors too. The educational background is not that important so long as your therapist is trained to work with couples. With the exception of MFTs, not every educational background requires training with couples and families. Working with a relationship is much different than working with an individual, so it is important to ask your counselor about their training and experience with relationships.

Finding the right couples counselor for you can be a difficult and time-consuming process. But with these helpful tips, I hope it won’t take long to find someone who is licensed through your state and has training in therapy methods that are most appropriate for you! The quickest way to find a qualified clinician is to use a directory website. Some of the popular directories include Psychology Today, Zencare, and Good Therapy. These sites often list therapists’ specialties on their site; this is an excellent place to start looking when searching online. These sites are some of the best resources to find couples counseling in Boston. You can use these resources to find other types of therapists in Boston or Greater Massachusetts as well.

If your health insurance includes benefits for couples counseling, you can also look through their provider search tool to find in-network counselors in your area of Boston or the suburbs.

What Does Couples Therapy Cost and How Can I Pay?

There are many factors that go into determining the cost of counseling services, including where you live and what type of treatment is needed. The average full-fee cost of a 50-minute therapy session in Boston can range anywhere from $150-200, but rates vary depending on your therapist’s experience or specific geographical location, as well as their specific qualifications and training. For example, couples counseling in Boston may be more expensive than relationship counseling in Natick or in Cambridge.

Marriage counseling is a great way to work through issues you may be experiencing. Whether it’s marriage problems or just figuring out how to make time for each other, couples therapy can help! But not all insurance plans cover this type of treatment so before doing anything else, call your insurance provider and find out if they’ll pay for some or all sessions with the counselor. Most insurance plans require a member of the couple to be diagnosed with a psychiatric “DSM” diagnosis.

If you are able to use your health insurance, you will either be responsible for co-payments or the entire cost depending on your insurance plan and whether you have a high deductible or not. Most counselors will allow you to pay for your session costs with Health Savings or Flexible Spending accounts. If you want to see a counselor who is not in-network with your insurance plan, you may be able to get the majority of the cost of each session reimbursed by your insurer. These are known as out-of-network benefits and you can call your insurer to find out if these benefits are included in your health plan.

How Do I Prepare for Couples Therapy?

For the first session, the best preparation is to try and keep an open mind. Couples counseling can be intimidating. It’s normal to feel some anxiety as you go into your first session, and it’s common to want to make a good impression. However, honesty is always the best way for a therapist to get to know you. Partners in a relationship are often tempted to lay all the blame for their challenges on their partner. However, if you go into couples therapy with an open mind and willingness to grow your self as a person, then it becomes much more likely that you will create positive change. It is important when partners come into couples therapy to have an open heart; Couples counseling can be hugely beneficial for couples, giving them the chance for growth and resolution.

What If My Partner Is Not Interested in Couples Therapy?

Unfortunately, this is very common. The bad news is that it truly takes two to make a relationship work. However, the good news is that you can still benefit from your own individual therapeutic work. If your partner is unwilling to participate in therapy, consider doing individual coaching to help yourself grow on an emotional level. This can result in positive changes within the relationship and often encourages the unwilling partner to give counseling a try. It also could lead you to make the difficult, but important decision to end the relationship or divorce. If your relationship has challenges, therapy is a good choice. Don’t be afraid to go it alone, and discover what might develop from this choice.

How Will I Know If Couples Therapy Is Working?

Sometimes you will leave therapy feeling more confident and empowered. Other times, you will leave in tears. That’s just the nature of good therapeutic work. It’s common for things to get a little more challenging before they begin to get better. This is because the therapeutic process is helping you and your partner create a new normal. It can be uncomfortable at times. However, if you commit to the process and trust your therapist, you’ll begin to see moments of connection that are new and different. These important insights or new ways of interacting with your partner point to successful therapy and an improvement in your life. Progress will take time and requires patience. Relationships do not break down overnight, and they aren’t repaired that quickly either. Trust the process and lean into the challenging moments. Over time, you’ll begin to see the fruits of your efforts and healing in your relationship.

How Will I Know If I Should Stop Attending Couples Therapy?

Obviously, if you and your partner feel you have met all the goals you set with the therapist in the beginning, it may be time to wind down. Of course, this is likely to take some time. You should be checking in on the progress of your relationship goals on a weekly basis and you should be determining if these goals are still appropriate at least every three months.

If you have come to therapy in crisis, it is important that you consider whether you have long-term relationship goals you want to meet. Sometimes when clients come to therapy in crisis, they do a little bit of work and begin to feel better. Then, they decide to stop coming to therapy, because they no longer feel it’s necessary. In many cases, this is just the beginning of the process and the clients may find that their real problems haven’t gone away. Good counseling takes time. If couples only come to therapy for a short period of time, they do not get the benefits that can result from working closely with a counselor.

If you are sure that the fit with the therapist is not a good one, this is another reason to end therapy. If your partner is not committed or not interested in therapy, it may be time to discuss whether continuing therapy is the right choice. Finally, you should always end couples therapy if your therapist does something you consider to be inappropriate or unethical.

Frequently Asked Questions About Couples Therapy

Can I Do Couples Therapy If My Partner Is Physically Abusive?

Couples therapy is not recommended for relationships where one of the partners is abusive. Domestic violence is not a relationship issue. For more information, visit the National Domestic Violence Hotline. If anger and conflict issues are present, the abusive partner should be advised to go into individual therapy. Seek help if you find yourself in this type of relationship. Massachusetts lists resources for those in the state and in the Greater Boston area. I have linked those resources here.

Is Couples Therapy Useful If I Am Not Married?

There is no requirement to be in a marriage to get the benefits of couples counseling. Relationships that could benefit from counseling include business partners, romantic partners, family members, co-parents, or friends.

What Is Premarital Counseling?

You may have heard of premarital counseling, but it is not just for clients who are about to tie the knot. These services occur before marriage and typically involve digging deep into a couple’s previous impressions on marriage so that they better understand themselves as well as each other. A counselor will support couples in preparation for issues that may come up in their marriage. The focus of the work can be discussing role expectations, money, family patterns, expectations around children, sexual expectations and conflict resolution. Getting married is a daunting prospect, but there are things you can do before the big day to help create the family life you desire.

Should Couples Therapy Only Occur In Person?

COVID-19 has accelerated the adoption of online counseling. Previously, if you were looking for counseling in Boston, you would have to drive to an office. Nowadays, couples therapy can be done completely online. In fact, many insurance providers in Massachusetts are now covering online therapy at the same level as in-person services. It is important that you have a confidential and quiet location to meet with your couples therapist and a high-speed internet connection. Most online options allow you to join your therapist even if you are not in the same location as your partner. However, your counselor must be in the state of Massachusetts to practice online.

Will There Be Exercises or Homework?

Not every therapist will assign communication exercises or homework outside of the session, but many will. You should be clear about whether you want out-of-session assignments and most therapists will be able to meet your request.

What Is a Couples Retreat?

A couples retreat is a unique experience that combines the experience of a vacation getaway with couples and group counseling. These retreats allow you to learn more about your relationship and from other couples’ relationships.

What If My Partner Has Anxiety, Depression, Addiction, or Another Serious Psychiatric Condition?

Couples counseling is still helpful for these couples, but you may need to find a therapist who is experienced in mental health disorders. Some couples therapists also specialize in depression, anxiety, anger issues and self-esteem counseling.

However, it is important that your partner receive individual counseling to work through their issues. You are much more likely to make progress with your relationship if each partner is working through their own emotional challenges.

With this guide, you should be able to find the perfect couples therapist in Boston. Couples counseling often comes as a major life transition for many couples. I hope these tips help make your search easier and more successful so reach out today if you’re ready to start getting relief from your relationship problems.